http://www.larryloveutah.com
We have told our children that we are not perfect and that we have tried our best to raise them the right way yet we have still made mistakes. They can either blame their problems on us, other people or take responsibility for themselves. I had a Dad growing up that was always drunk and I can whine about that and use it as an excuse or I can not let it be an excuse. I tell my children they are not set into a specific behavior because they are my children. They are individuals. So I told my oldest that I am sure we messed him up a bit with how he was raised but he is moving forward with life "a pesar de" "even though" or "In spite of those things"
Some parents when they are angry say "I wish I had never had you" and that affects kids more than you will ever know. Try to love them now matter what and let them know that you may not like what they are doing but that you love them. You don't have to accept their actions but they need your love. My daughter Michelle the same girl in the picture decided to take some very challenging classes at school and the classes were college level classes so her grades went down some but I let her know that I knew how hard she was working and that the B she got and the C she got in those classes were better than the A she would have gotten in the easy classes. Try to understand your children and take time to talk to them. If you get mad for a B or C when they are doing their best then it sends the wrong message and next time they will be less likely to challenge themselves. Michelle is a beautiful girl yet I know I can't compare her to my other daughter Kaneasha because they are very different girls. I try to build her up instead of trying to break her down. Michelle says things like "I am clumsy or I am so forgetful" and I try to let her know that she is not like that and putting a label on herself won't help her through life. We become what we think about all day long and if you listen to negative talk or negative self talk it won't help you move forward so get rid of it.
Often we end up saying things like "Because I said so" rather than taking the time to reason with our children and sometimes we do need to take and make decisions where teens or youth cannot question us although make sure you don't take that attitude of saying "Because I am big and you are little" all the time because it sends the wrong message and we can become better parents by having valuable conversations with our children and after we have them we can still make responsible decisions.
Telling our children "I told you so" or saying that to anyone for that matter does not normally help the situation so rephrase your words and try again before you say anything like that. Try something like "Isn't it easier to find your cloths after you have done your laundry and folded your clothes? Telling our kids not to worry or not to be afraid also sends the wrong message. Let them know that they can be afraid and it is ok to be mad,angry or scared although they need to know what events or things are reasonable to be scared about and help them see when it is not reasonable to worry too much but we should not negate their feelings. Telling our children we don't like certain friends many times will actually encourage them to spend more time with those children you don't like. When we focus on the negative many times we get more of it. When we tell our children that they are doing things wrong and then we take over we also send mixed messages that they are not good enough or that they have not learned to do it right. Taking a different approach may help you and them. One example would be rather than saying your doing it wrong of changing that to "hey can I show you a way to do this that your grandpa taught me, I think you might think it may be faster."
All my children are different to comparing them to each other is not the right way to raise your next child. I have however let my children know that I am giving them the same deal I gave their older brother when it comes to rules of the house and such. One of our rules is when you are 18 you must be enrolled full time in school in order to stay at our home rent free which includes food, laundry etc...If your not in school then you need to pay rent. My oldest son who is now 25 decided to move out and not be in school but he just had a job so he moved out and then later he moved back in and that happened a couple of times but as they grow they learn responsibility.
