My sister tells me that I should go to al anon which is a group that helps people deal with issues and assists them with people that have addictions specifically addictions to alcohol and I have told her that I don't have time for it. Am I in denial about needing help? My mother was married to my dad for 26 years and as the years went on the drinking got worse and he would not have lasted as long as he did without her being co-dependent and taking care of him to make sure he was eating and getting to work etc... The question is, was doing that really helping him or hurting him in the long run? My sister wondered out loud if I learned to be co dependent from my mother and if that is why I married my first wife because I may have felt I needed to help her and to fix her problems. I thought about that and maybe on a subconscious level that may have been true or maybe the truth was really as simple as I remember it. She was hot, young and beautiful and we got married. We did not argue during our marriage very much and I did learn after many years that I could not change her to be what I wanted her to be.
I have asked myself similar questions about my second wife since she had 3 children and an immigration issue and did I marry her so I could take care of her and fix her problems for her? Do I look for women that need fixing? If so then that complicates my life even more which it did although Lizeth was working 2 jobs when I met her and did not really need me or a man in her life although when we got married it seemed like a natural fit and I love those 3 children as my own.
When my stepson got into trouble I could have bailed him out but I let him suffer his own consequences and learn those lessons. I consider myself a patient person but my wife says that I am too soft with the kids and should be more firm with them. This is coming from a woman that was raised in Guatemala with the older ways and when you look at those ways and how children grew up then they got punished with a whip, stick, hand or other object and yes there was some fear involved and yet those children grew up with more respect than the kids now. They grew up saying thank you and please. Children now are a bit different. I would rather have the kids learn respect from mutual respect, rather than fear. I suppose a balance is needed. Times have changed with the Internet, phones and music from must a few years ago.
So if you are patient, loving and serving some people will label you as co dependent and tell you that people will take advantage of you. I know when to say no and I do often. People normally do things for their own benefit and too much analyzing may not be a good thing. I like to spend more time actually living my life rather than talking about it, do you think this is a rationalization? Just a few realistic thoughts from my real life.
